he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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