why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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