Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize