U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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