Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
