you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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