We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
