just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
