I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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