Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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