I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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