This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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