so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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