Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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