So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
