At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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