The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
