Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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