Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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