My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
