omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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