I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had sex on a roof
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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