So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
