The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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