You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
