so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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