if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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