apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
