I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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