I can text with my tongue
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
