I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
