So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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