Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I believe in your delicious
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
