i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
