dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
