Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
