ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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