just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
