here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
