Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
