She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
