it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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