you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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