Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
