im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it