D3 body, D1 cock
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.