Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
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Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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