So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up