According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
