Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend