yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.