I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
