Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
