This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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