Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
