Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there was a trapeze. enough said
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
