Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My first STD was from a foam party
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
