insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
