Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
