I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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