Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
