Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
