My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
