I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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