Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
