You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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