omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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