I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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