i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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