Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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