Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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