Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
