It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
