I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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