This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
