so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
