Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
