I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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