Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
