HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
