I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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