You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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