I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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