Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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