Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
