how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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