I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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