yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
